The recipe for childhood, specifically mine, is of simple ingredients. Pinecones from the tree in the front lawn, they only grow in a very specific type of weather. Mashed flowers and random berries from that one bush right by the mailbox, an alternative is flower buds. When you’ve collected your share, the rest is easy. Laundry detergent, the type that comes in little packages that look edible, are the final key ingredient. Flowers, berries, soap, and pinecones…all these things are a key part of me. A part that I refuse to let go of. My childhood was of broken Barbie toys with random clothes as dresses, playing in my mom’s heels and makeup, and this very specific recipe. It hasn’t changed, surprisingly, throughout the many years of my life. 

Is it any shock that all these things were created in the first place I ever lived? Very specifically, the second story I shared with my sister. The first place I ever counted to 100 all in my head, a real shock. The first place where I introduced my dog to, the place that I believe still has slime stains even after so many years. I don’t want to let go of these things, ever. Is it possible to keep growing up while still being a kid? I still want to make pinecone stew and slime, and I still want to find comfort in stuffed animals. I think that everyone has a little part of them that wants all of what they had. But, getting older doesn’t have to mean letting go of what made you happy. 

I “left a piece of my heart” in the little yellow room on the second floor of my old house. I left a piece of my heart in Gallup Park, in the sand of Sleeping Bear Dunes, and in my grandma’s house, a million miles from here. One in my elementary school, one in the ELA room upstairs, and another in the math room. I guess all these shards are all of what I am. It’s comforting to know that they’re somewhere, and that you can pull them back at any time. They include my favorite memories, from any age, any time. 

I hate when people ask why kids are acting so old these days. Who cares if someone wants to try on some makeup, or if they want the new trendy clothes? It’s normal for people, especially teens and tweens to find out who they are by being curious. But, I do agree that there is no help in trying to push yourself into acting mature. It’s okay to try to find who you are, but it’s not healthy to try to push yourself  into growing up. Clinging onto little things isn’t being childish, it’s not cowardly to hold onto things that make you feel better. It’s not necessarily sad to let go of being a kid. You’re just growing up. 

Even though today may feel the same as tomorrow, the day after that, and the day after that. Time moves faster than you think, and is that really a bad thing? Maybe, but it’s just how it is. It’s okay to not fight the tide, to let it carry you to wherever you’re forced to go. It’s also okay to swim against it, hold on a little longer, and keep those pieces with you. Nobody’s wrong either way. Each year you get older might feel like a curse, or it may feel like a blessing. One more year of age is not one lost of childhood. It’s just another stack on another bigger stack. Holding onto more weight isn’t a bad thing, because you already have so much under you. 

We are our childhoods, our tweenage and teenage years, and everything that comes after that. The weird slime and pinecone stew we made as kids is part of us, whether we like it or not. Grow up, it’s all natural, but know that that’s all under you, for better or for worse.