Goldfish Rocks: an opinion article on goldfish crackers


Annabella Mi

Mmm, a crunchy, savory, and of course, cheesy snack!

Annabella Mi, News Editor

Mmm, a crunchy, savory, and of course, cheesy snack! With these adjectives, it best describes cheesy crackers, the unnatural bright orange color, the non cheesy cheese flavor (despite saying made with 100% real cheese), and we can’t forget, the crunch! That’s the signature part of any cheesy snack.

But I’m going to be honest, and I mean completely honest, only one cheesy snack really scores for the best, Goldfish. Most of the time for cheesy snacks, they taste too sour or too much like chemicals infused with tube cheese (the worst but still hits the spot once in a while cheese).

Okay that came out a bit harsh, but most of cheesy snacks are just absolutely nothing but the food at 7-11 along with the Aquamarine Water with Minerals and Vitamins – 0 Calories – 0 Grams of Sugar – Lemon Passion fruit Strawberry Peach Apple Flavored, but just to be clear, this still doesn’t mean I won’t take the bag of Cheez-it my friend brings every day to school, I mean come on, free food is food that is free, the best deal there is!

Now this is where I mention something so good and so crunchy and so cheesy (it taste like cheese!): Goldfish.  No, no not the regular boring Goldfish (Boo!). I’m talking about, behold, the Flavor Blasted Xtra Cheddar Goldfish [insert angel choir]. This my friend, is the holy grail of cheesy snacks, and it is actually cheesy (if you consider cheese powder to be cheese)!

Forget about cheese balls, cheese sticks, and your dad’s jokes, you have a crinkled bag that goes like KJHHGGIUHJKB everytime you open it, so you can never eat it without a pair of wandering eyes. I’m talking about that teacher’s beady stare when they hear that familiar crackle of the bag when there’s a no food rule (such a stupid rule anyways, not including lethal allergies, no, it’s not even cool). But that’s the whole experience of eating Goldfish, I bet Cheez-It can’t do that (technically Cheez-it can, but we’ll ignore that).

So what are you waiting for? A bag of Goldfish to magically restock in your pantry? Your mom to come home so she can just go back to the supermarket she just came from because you want Goldfish (actually that is a valid reason)? Go to your nearest Kroger, Whole Foods, Busch’s, and if you’re feeling fancy, then Plum Market! That perfectly crunchy, savory, cheesy Goldfish is on the shelves because it’s made to be eaten, so go eat it!